Why Seinfeld Sucks

August 13, 2003

So, for many years people have wondered why I hate the program Seinfeld so much. They are amazed how I can love the Simpsons so, but “poo-poo” Seinfeld. Well, here goes, I hate Seinfeld for the characters. If I wanted to see whiny, annoying people, I would just go to work. At least there I am getting paid to deal with that crap. Now some of you may be calling this simple flamebait, saying that I havn’t watched the show enough, I am a hater, etc. Well, I have honestly given Seinfeld a number of opportunities, forcing myself to watch it for 3 weeks straight once, and periodically watching it at 6:30 in the evening, aka the DEAD HALF HOUR. So let me go into some detail on the characters and why I hate them so:

Kramer: The only one of the group who will occasionally make me smile. His “wacky antics” will thankfully interrupt Jerry and George arguing about what kind of cereal is the best, or some other nonsense. But then Kramer will somehow get involved in the conversation, taking it so some abserd level and pretty much ending any sort of interest in his character. His subplot schemes are a nice distraction, however, they make the show watchable, not entertaining.

Jerry: Meant to be the voice of reason, I think, Jerry usually ends up taking the logical route to the arguments, but then just gives up. I mean, if Jerry were to face Robert in an argument, he would have to give up within 10 seconds. I mean, just the “I’m Jeerrrrryyyy, I know eeeevvvverything about jokes.” However, I digress, Jerry still whines plenty when things don’t go exactly his way, and for that I am annoyed. I mean, who are the ad wizards who came up with this one.

Elaine: Second most annoying character on the show. I wouldn’t normally smack a woman, but if I ever met a person who acted like her, I would slap the taste right out of her mouth. You are a fairly attractive woman, you know why you can’t find a guy…because you are freakin insane. She whines about the stupidest shit all the time, she has a crazy boss. That is funny. I find myself wishing to drive a screwdriver in my eye listening to her speak.

Finally, George: George is a horrible stereotype of a New York Jew. I can’t believe that Jewish groups didn’t protest this character for being obnoxious. If Italian-Americans are offended by mob movies, then Jewish groups should be kicking the crap out of Jason Alexander. Effieciently portrayed by Alexander, George grips and whines about every penny and tries to move up in the Yankees organization, and complains about that as well. It does seem to make sense though, if someone like George does work for the Yanks, it would explain the stick of crap coming out of the Bronx. I hate George!

Before anyone else can comment on it, I am aware of the irony of complaining about the complaining on a TV show, so don’t bother pointing that out.